It is a rare day when I go to work and nothing goes wrong. Nothing really happened today at work. I had an awesome happy fun cheerful day! :)

Oh besides the stalkerish man who followed me around taking photos, you know, he just waits outside my store. With a dslr and a flash. Nothing suss.

I fucking hate retail.

xoxo gossip girl

i can't make up my mind whether i'm a venter or do i keep things to myself. on one hand, when random, stupid and fustrating things happen i'm the first to announce it over twitter/facebook. everybody probably believes they pretty much know what my life is like.

but it's not like that at all, i just don't want to share those problems with the world.

and it annoys me. cause when people don't know what you're going through, they won't give you consider your circumstance and just back off.

no, i'm not ignoring you. i'm just busy.
with what? my life.
and it's none of your business.

Remember me? I used to be your favourite hello, your hardest goodbye, I used to be the person you wanted to talk most and will miss if you didn’t get to talk to me. I used to be someone you wanted to be with everyday and night, I used to be the first thought in your mind in the morning and the last thought before you go to sleep, I used to be the girl who you wished to see me smile when I’m down and who wish I didn’t cry, I used to be the most beautiful girl to you. Yeah, I used to be that person. Do you still remember me?



i didn't write that but whoever did must be really emo :( ! i want to give them a hug!

182 today alone

hello :)

so i think i made a mistake at work today. cause i'm a loser. so we'll see if i get a phone call tomorrow. if not, then hopefully i'm all good HAHA.

on the other hand, i've just worked the entire long weekend. pay day is gonna be so fucking goooooood! after this, i SWEAR i will save money. no more shopping. there is nothing else i want. i swearrrrrrr! well i want to save up for a new camera.. and a portabe hard drive... and omfg, shut up amanda no one wants to know your shopping list. lol.

tall people fart.. and the short people smell it.

when short people fart, the ants gotta tank it. HAHAHAHA.

it's only 12 AM :( ! i'm tired. but not sleepy... hence mega super random post :D !

i'm sick at the moment. i have the flu. i totally blame the weather.. and lynden and jess and everyone else i know that is sick. and YES, THE FLU IS CONTAGIOUS. IT CAN BE TRANSMITTED THROUGH TEXT/FB/MSN. don't lie, i'm sick and that is the only explanation.

omgsh, this is why i fucked up at work. screw you all.

i need a hair cut.

OMGSH! you know what is reaaaaaaaaally annoying? when maccas turns a beautiful plastic container of mc chicken sauce.. IN TO THESE FUCKING LITTLE SATCHELS OF "REAL MAYONAISE" ! I DO NOT WANT TO BUY YOUR LITTLE SQUEEZY BAG I WANT MY POT OF AWESOME DIPPABLE.....NESS.

my engrish is sho fail.

two customers thought i was filo today. only one thought i was jap. the rest didn't give a fuck and didn't bother to ask. loooool wtf. no one at highschool/uni everr thought i was anything but chiet (chinese/viet). now suddenly it's either filo or jap. amazing...

fuck my nose is so runny and disgusting. i'm coughing a little. i'll buy buttermenthol tomorrow. ooh yes, tomorrow. i want to go out tomorrow. but i might be working.. which i wouldn't mind since i need the money. gosh, everything is about money. i hate money.

i love jap food though. i'm craving jap food. oh that reminds me, i've decided i don't want to marry a chef anymore. i will marry a mathematician and he will add, subtract, multiply and divide everything for me and we'll live happily ever after. we could always eat out. or i could learn to cook..

ohhh, that's my goal for these holidays. learning to cook. and i don't mean cakes and stuff. cause those can come pre-mixed. i want dishes. asian shit my mum serves. then she can teach me and i'll go on master chef and epicly fail and sell my failure to whoever's willing to feed me.

by the way, from watching underbelly i have realised that it IS actually an advantage to be born beautiful. cause kim had no money/job, all she had were her looks and she became a high class hooker, dropped her shitty boyfriend like he dropped her cat and became mega kick-ass awesome. i asked myself if i would've done the same in her position..

no.

HAHA. simply cause.......... ew...

yeah i'm childish.

shut up.

go away.

kim is really cool though.

and hot.

in her position, i would've leapt off after the cat. LOL JK! but yeah, would've applied for rubi shoes and you know.. been a low class skank selling cheap shoes :) ! OH WAIT! doesn't that sound familiar.......?

back to work, like two days ago jess's friend asked me for my number. i think that was the first time someone asked.. well as long as far as i can remember. in that context.

the first thing i thought of was our store number. which i really can't remember, i'm a bad employee. second was elva, cause we have this on going argument where she thinks that asking for numbers are the way to go but i believe you should just add them on fb/msn. if you think about it, if you have them on fb you can pretty much stalk them and know what kind of person they are in 5 minutes. think of all the time you're saving! plus talking on the phone can be awkward.. those long silences where you just think, shit my credit is goingggg...

i also have this fear where i think giving out my number randomly will equal to prank calls, telemarkets and like those random messages you get sent and charged for. what a paranoid bitch. yeah, i know.





the end.

you can be my vodka and i can be your chaser.

there are multiple phases that we all go through when we like someone.

at first, it's a crush. you notice them, you're nice to them. you approach them. you test the waters. you wonder if there's more to it then just a simple crush.

then, you get to know them. you become friends. you start to like them. little things they say just make you smile and happy.

then after you've confirmed you like them... this is the part where it all gets a little crazy.

you become obsessive. infatuated. paranoid. delirious. scared. affectionate. desperate. you try to show you care. you try to play it cool. you try to make them laugh. you listen. you pretend that you're wanted. you pretend you're not interested. you smile alot. you try to please them. you try to surprise them. you offer them your shoulder. you try not to start the conversation. you pull their hair, then apologise when they cry. in a crowded room, they're all you see and all you want to see.

it's all apparently the "thrill" of the chase. a manipulative game, where your heart's on the line.

i've been there, you've been there, we all have. it's an inevitable phase.

but man, it is fucking confusing and weird when you're on the recieving end. can someone please simplify the rules to make it easier for me?

on the topic of crying

L: if i was there i would let you wet my tshirt with your tears on my shoulder LOL
A: geez how romantic. what so i could be your free washing machine?
L: omg thats just asian HAHA
A: look, i'll soak and rinse but you gotta dry it yourself.

weird is now the norm.

my co-worker said to me today...

"you know panda, when you first started here i thought you were a weirdo. then i realised you're just weird and now i love you. don't ever change babe!"

urban-dictionary: weirdo

1. A person who is considered strange to other people. This person may do strange things, so this person can be considered a "weirdo".
2. A non-conformist who does not follow trends or a subculture. A true 'weirdo' will just do what they feel, and can get along with most people. This person does not actually conform to a stereotype and shouldn't be labeled.

being called a weirdo use to be a bad thing. it's a term i've grown accustomed to over the years. i remember when other kids use to call me weird i would protest and get really upset over it. i didn't like how other people didn't understand me.

but some how it has grown to become some sort of compliment. to me, being called weird no longer means you're strange, but just individualistic. and it's cool to be considered an individual, i don't like conforming. i believe everyone thinks they're a little weird in some way. we're all different. it's normal.

or maybe i've just grown immune to being called a weirdo.

night time, wake up. Tight jeans and make up.

i've been neglecting my blog again. Facebook and twitter has ruined the fun of blogging. Why type parapraphs after parapraphs when i can just update the world with one line every few minutes? Whatever. Blogging is still more personal and i need a good bitch.

So, update on whats happening!

1. I like work. It's fun and my co-workers are warming up to me. I'm even starting to like the dress code. It's like trying to be someone different every time i go to work. Lol, my nickname at work is 'harajuku girl' cause they thought i was jap.

2. Uni work has been sweet as. For some reason, everything this year just seems a million times easier. Possibly because it's mainly prac based. I've been finishing everything before due time. No more all nighters for me! Woo! :) and less stress also means i've been sleeping good. So after 5 years of insomnia.. I've been cured. I'm not even sure how.

3. Boys are still confusing. Their names or faces might change but they're aaaaall the same. Except maybe you ;) ! Haha im kidding, guys are all dickheads! Especially you.

4. I still cry when people insult me. Though i can usually hold it in but everytime someone calls me a bitch and means it you can bet inside i'm like dying. I will probably never get over the stupid past. It's like a bad annoying habit i can't get rid of. Ditto to bursting in to tears when my mum raises her voice at me - i just revert back to a child. So fail.

5. I think i'm getting grouchier and grumpier these days. I seem to be having more disagreements/fights with people. It's mostly cause i'm careless, lazy and tend to say the wrong things. I need lessons on how to sugar coat things. But i'm too lazy for those too.

6. I'm a shopaholic. I just can't stop buying shit! About 70% of my money goes on food. I don't even know why i eat so much. I get bored, walk past a cafe or something and just buy cake. Or i see a store on sale and i just have to go in! I haven't even worn half the shit i buy. There's like not enough coat hangers for my clothes now! And not enough space in the shoe cupboard! And not enough hooks on my jewellery stand! I think you get the point.. It's silly but yeah.. I'm working on it lol.

7. Drinking makes my face go red.

8. Weddings are like huge formal parties where loud drunks who burp in people's faces and spit in to champagne glasses aren't accepted. Slut dancing and grinding, however, is welcome.

9. I tried to quit swearing. Failed epicly. If anything, i think i swear even more now. I'm not entirely sure why i even bothered in the first place. Either way, i'm still swearing like a house on fire. It can't be helped and i can't be changed. Oh well, too bad!

I'm out of stuff to write. Plus i'm sleepy. Goodnight :)

PS. The title's lyrics from paper aeroplanes. I think it sounds like my life :)

1256

sometimes lately when the mood takes me
this can't be all you were waiting for
night time wake up tight jeans and make up
...gasping for more

cause sometimes i am ten feet tall
and you'll give it back to me
give it back give it back

dear john

"you don't smoke, you don't drink, i don't suppose you sleep around?"

"no, but i do do one bad thing."

"and what is that?"

"i curse... in my head."

savannah curtis felt so familiar. at first i wasn't sure who she reminded me of.. then i realised, it's me.

and i'm not sure if i like it.

“I’m a slut because I’ll wear shorts and a tank top. I’m a bitch because I don’t let you push me around. I’m a liar because I won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes I’m wrong. I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect. I’m a whore because I like boys. I’m annoying because I’m not chill enough. I’m a loser because I’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because most of the time I’m happy. I’m weird because I’m not like you. I’m controlling because I get mad. Sometimes I’m clingy because I like being around people. I’m greedy because I like to be satisfied. I’m naive because I’m younger than you. I’m conceited because I’m proud of who I am. I’m rude because my manners aren’t perfect. I’m unappreciative because I don’t praise you. Don’t tell me who I am because I already know.”

IDON'TKNOW!()#@&*!

valentines day, seriously.

I don't normally celebrate valentines day. Because to me, it seems like a holiday concocted for the sole purpose of wasting time and money on flowers with limited life span and hallmark cards that no one will ever recycle. It's not even a proper holiday! You don't get time off work or anything!

I've never celebrated valentines day before. Ever. It probably sounds like i'm bitter, but i just seriously dont see what the fuss is about.

Well, this year was different. Since it was chinese new year on the 14th my valentines date was postponed to the 16th.

Cheap thai food. Movies. Luvos. The rocks. Pancakes. Bunnies. Ice cream. It was a good day.

Watching 'valentines day' in gold class was the biggest surprise! Thanks for taking me, pooface! It was my first time and was fully in awe.. It was so cool! I kept playing with the seats cause they're adjustable to go up and down! Couldn't stop fidling with it, the buttons were too convienently placed haha.The movie was really cute though! Love taylor swift in it, haha what a dud.

Highlight food of the day was ice cream. Hands down. Cookies and cream and macadamian and honeycomb. Yum. Everything else we ate was pretty fail. Thai tasted pretty average, because as pooface puts it 'nothing compares to chat thai'. Even pancakes didn't taste as good as normal! We've decided ribs are better at darling harbour. Ahh well, Atleast i had good company hehe.

Despite the food, it was a really good day. Couldn't have asked for a better valentines day.
Love you, pooface <3

i'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world.

I remember just a few years ago I was laughing and dissing people who I felt cared too much about their appearances. Girls who, spent hours on their makeup, took a week to plan their outfits and wasted saliva going on and on about what they'd like to change about their appearances. Back then, I didn't understand the hype. To me, these people were materialistic and superficial. I felt like they were wasting time and unnecessarily conforming to society's judgement. I also believed people could only be born pretty. (So wrong! Makeup!)

Ironically, I am now one of those silly girls who won't leave the house without atleast some concealer and powder on. I don't know when i started to care about my appearance. But I realised once I started, everything changed. Peers started to respect me, the teasing stopped, I started attracting attention, and instantly I felt everyone's attitude towards me change. Even I felt like I liked myself a little more.

I hate how I felt like I needed to be prettier to be accepted, but to an extent, it's true and fuck, I hate our generation for that. Our biased bullshit views might not have started with our gen, but it's definetely gotten stronger. In Mookie's gen, makeup was for rare occassion's but in our's, no makeup IS the 'rare occassion'. These days, presentation is everything. I once got a warning for being 'unappropriately dressed' at work. I was wearing tshirt and jeans. Like, seriously.

...Got distracted by TV so I've kinda lost my point. But I just saw some woman on TV, she broke her nose and OD'd on botox, causing one eye to droop. She fully messed up her face and it was so scary T_T!

0-0

i don't believe in acting upon impulse, that first impressions are final impressions and many other things. i don't allow myself to do alot of things, because i like the idea of always being in control of myself. eg. i don't drink, because i refuse to allow myself to make clouded judgements.

but now, here i am, wondering if that is what messed up my life. would things be better if i just acted upon my first instinct instead of logically trying to analyze the situation? there's no straight answer to that question. it depends on the situation, i guess.

anyway, i've always been shit at analyzing stuff.

and my first instinct is a liar.

it's a no-win situation!

POW!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! (:

i spent nye with my family this year. trained it to city with my mum and lil bro and my dad met up with us for dinner after work. then we all trekked it to darling harbour to watch the 9 o'clock sesh fireworks. went home straight after and called grommit up at 12 before conking out soon after.

last year i remember writing a super long list of resolutions and well, i think the only one i achieved was growing my hair long HAHA. this time, i don't really have any resolutions or goals (besides getting my P's) cause well.. theres no point in setting goals you might not achieve. you just end up disappointing yourself. so i'm just gonna go with whatever 2010 brings.

2010, bring it!