you can be my vodka and i can be your chaser.

there are multiple phases that we all go through when we like someone.

at first, it's a crush. you notice them, you're nice to them. you approach them. you test the waters. you wonder if there's more to it then just a simple crush.

then, you get to know them. you become friends. you start to like them. little things they say just make you smile and happy.

then after you've confirmed you like them... this is the part where it all gets a little crazy.

you become obsessive. infatuated. paranoid. delirious. scared. affectionate. desperate. you try to show you care. you try to play it cool. you try to make them laugh. you listen. you pretend that you're wanted. you pretend you're not interested. you smile alot. you try to please them. you try to surprise them. you offer them your shoulder. you try not to start the conversation. you pull their hair, then apologise when they cry. in a crowded room, they're all you see and all you want to see.

it's all apparently the "thrill" of the chase. a manipulative game, where your heart's on the line.

i've been there, you've been there, we all have. it's an inevitable phase.

but man, it is fucking confusing and weird when you're on the recieving end. can someone please simplify the rules to make it easier for me?

on the topic of crying

L: if i was there i would let you wet my tshirt with your tears on my shoulder LOL
A: geez how romantic. what so i could be your free washing machine?
L: omg thats just asian HAHA
A: look, i'll soak and rinse but you gotta dry it yourself.

weird is now the norm.

my co-worker said to me today...

"you know panda, when you first started here i thought you were a weirdo. then i realised you're just weird and now i love you. don't ever change babe!"

urban-dictionary: weirdo

1. A person who is considered strange to other people. This person may do strange things, so this person can be considered a "weirdo".
2. A non-conformist who does not follow trends or a subculture. A true 'weirdo' will just do what they feel, and can get along with most people. This person does not actually conform to a stereotype and shouldn't be labeled.

being called a weirdo use to be a bad thing. it's a term i've grown accustomed to over the years. i remember when other kids use to call me weird i would protest and get really upset over it. i didn't like how other people didn't understand me.

but some how it has grown to become some sort of compliment. to me, being called weird no longer means you're strange, but just individualistic. and it's cool to be considered an individual, i don't like conforming. i believe everyone thinks they're a little weird in some way. we're all different. it's normal.

or maybe i've just grown immune to being called a weirdo.

night time, wake up. Tight jeans and make up.

i've been neglecting my blog again. Facebook and twitter has ruined the fun of blogging. Why type parapraphs after parapraphs when i can just update the world with one line every few minutes? Whatever. Blogging is still more personal and i need a good bitch.

So, update on whats happening!

1. I like work. It's fun and my co-workers are warming up to me. I'm even starting to like the dress code. It's like trying to be someone different every time i go to work. Lol, my nickname at work is 'harajuku girl' cause they thought i was jap.

2. Uni work has been sweet as. For some reason, everything this year just seems a million times easier. Possibly because it's mainly prac based. I've been finishing everything before due time. No more all nighters for me! Woo! :) and less stress also means i've been sleeping good. So after 5 years of insomnia.. I've been cured. I'm not even sure how.

3. Boys are still confusing. Their names or faces might change but they're aaaaall the same. Except maybe you ;) ! Haha im kidding, guys are all dickheads! Especially you.

4. I still cry when people insult me. Though i can usually hold it in but everytime someone calls me a bitch and means it you can bet inside i'm like dying. I will probably never get over the stupid past. It's like a bad annoying habit i can't get rid of. Ditto to bursting in to tears when my mum raises her voice at me - i just revert back to a child. So fail.

5. I think i'm getting grouchier and grumpier these days. I seem to be having more disagreements/fights with people. It's mostly cause i'm careless, lazy and tend to say the wrong things. I need lessons on how to sugar coat things. But i'm too lazy for those too.

6. I'm a shopaholic. I just can't stop buying shit! About 70% of my money goes on food. I don't even know why i eat so much. I get bored, walk past a cafe or something and just buy cake. Or i see a store on sale and i just have to go in! I haven't even worn half the shit i buy. There's like not enough coat hangers for my clothes now! And not enough space in the shoe cupboard! And not enough hooks on my jewellery stand! I think you get the point.. It's silly but yeah.. I'm working on it lol.

7. Drinking makes my face go red.

8. Weddings are like huge formal parties where loud drunks who burp in people's faces and spit in to champagne glasses aren't accepted. Slut dancing and grinding, however, is welcome.

9. I tried to quit swearing. Failed epicly. If anything, i think i swear even more now. I'm not entirely sure why i even bothered in the first place. Either way, i'm still swearing like a house on fire. It can't be helped and i can't be changed. Oh well, too bad!

I'm out of stuff to write. Plus i'm sleepy. Goodnight :)

PS. The title's lyrics from paper aeroplanes. I think it sounds like my life :)

1256

sometimes lately when the mood takes me
this can't be all you were waiting for
night time wake up tight jeans and make up
...gasping for more

cause sometimes i am ten feet tall
and you'll give it back to me
give it back give it back

dear john

"you don't smoke, you don't drink, i don't suppose you sleep around?"

"no, but i do do one bad thing."

"and what is that?"

"i curse... in my head."

savannah curtis felt so familiar. at first i wasn't sure who she reminded me of.. then i realised, it's me.

and i'm not sure if i like it.

“I’m a slut because I’ll wear shorts and a tank top. I’m a bitch because I don’t let you push me around. I’m a liar because I won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes I’m wrong. I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect. I’m a whore because I like boys. I’m annoying because I’m not chill enough. I’m a loser because I’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because most of the time I’m happy. I’m weird because I’m not like you. I’m controlling because I get mad. Sometimes I’m clingy because I like being around people. I’m greedy because I like to be satisfied. I’m naive because I’m younger than you. I’m conceited because I’m proud of who I am. I’m rude because my manners aren’t perfect. I’m unappreciative because I don’t praise you. Don’t tell me who I am because I already know.”